3 Simple Steps Helping Marriages

Marriage isn’t the constant passionate love that you see in the movies. It is a friendship and appreciation for each other that grows along with the love for one another. Life is busy and relationships can feel disconnected but there are 3 simple steps to help your marriage today.

It’s our 25th wedding anniversary today and I’ve been reflecting on our relationship quite a bit over the last year. A part of me is in awe that it has been 25 years since we’ve been married.

We were young when we got married and have had our struggles as we built our life together. Finding ways to stay connected will help your marriage, but there are 3 simple steps that I do to help our marriage consistently.

Think about the positive ways your spouse shows love for you. We talk about taking time to notice the flowers and nature so you can enjoy life. Take the time to reflect on the little ways your spouse shows their love for you and the family.
Remove yourself from negative spouse talkers. A negative influence has more than 4 times the effect on your relationship than a single positive influence. Scrubbing social groups that constantly complain about their spouse will control your ripple effect toward your own relationship.
Tell your spouse you appreciate them often. A quiet hug or a small peck on the lips with a “thank you” or “I appreciate you” goes a long way. If it embarrasses the kids, too bad. They will realize years later that this small gesture was a positive role model for them too. Showing gratitude closes the circle to help grow the friendship and love within your marriage.

Putting it into Practice

When you are reflecting on your spouse’s love for you, I don’t mean the big gestures of love. Life isn’t about flowers, gifts, or romantic gestures. My husband isn’t one to plan romantic gestures, although I will receive flowers now and then “just because”.

My husband will show me his love by helping around the home. He’ll pitch in to help so I can work towards my goals. After work, he’ll find me to say hello as he arrives home. He’ll sit and help me brainstorm an idea over coffee on our “day off”.

Negative influence affects me profoundly. I’d love to have tough skin and tell you that I’m one of those people that spew sunshine even on a cloudy day. I’m not. However, because I know this about me I make a bigger effort to be around positive influences.

Before moving, I had a social network of ladies that I would connect with monthly. We played a simple game of bunco once a month. One of the rules we kept over the years was “no spouse trashing”. Being able to connect with these women without having to worry about that negative influence was refreshing and fun.

I find that if I don’t take the time to express my gratitude, disconnection with my spouse grows over time. I still notice the little things he is doing, but if I don’t take the time to express this gratitude it’s for not. Life is busy, but saying thank you along with a quick hug or kiss doesn’t take much time or effort.

Have you ever felt lonely in your relationship? I hate to admit it but I have sometimes, too. When that happens I follow a simple brainstorming process that I use for pretty much any feeling that resonates “something needs to change”. This process is used in the Reduce Overwhelm and Mindset Renewal 5 Day Challenge (free signup below).

I don’t know about you, but when I leave the loneliness feeling too long, my relationship suffers, and overwhelm occurs more frequently. My husband is a large part of my balance so when I am feeling lonely I need to pick up my game and figure out how to change what I’m doing.

Reflecting on the love actions, removing negative influences, and expressing gratitude; 3 simple steps that are helping marriages. These simple actions help grow a strong relationship within the marriage and help you remain thankful for what you have.

How does your spouse show you their love?