Wanting to be Seen

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Wanting to be seen is more than just feeling invisible to another. It is more than desiring to living bigger also. What many don’t realize is the energy from an unknown unworthiness, can be perceived as confusing and no matter how much we try and fit in, we can’t. What I’ve come to realize is, we weren’t meant to fit in, but we were meant to carve out our own way of being so we shone in ways most have difficulty seeing.

I’m one of those and for years I thought is because I moved to a small town and was an outsider. In truth my outside tendencies were stemming from a limiting systematic societal judgment upon a child conceived and born outside the hand in marriage. Children such as me, shouldn’t hold the burdens of another judgment, but we do, we did.

The burdens my little baby self carried were one of many discussions in worry and anger, etc about what may become of my parents’ future and my own. The acceptance within a shame is steeped in unworthiness, when if people would take the time to remember what it is like to hold a baby and see the beauty within that child, any child, they may just find themselves holding back their judgment so that child has the ability to create beauty in their life without fighting a burden that has limited it.

We are not mistakes and the energy within us, doesn’t need to express the error in judgment that was within our conception of being here on earth. The acceptable choices of following the pull to know love within a sexual desire, is a choice many make. 1 out of 1021 babies born since 1971 have been born outside of the hand in marriage. The blessings of what is, regarding feeling like we were a mistake, is the covenant of love being unfolded for the world includes a healing for all burdens and patterns (if we can accept such) for being born this way.

The Lord God said, every product of a mismanaged sexual identity is a child of mine and they will know my Love once more.

The burdens of such mismanaged sexual identities will not be held as a burden upon a child of mine.

Diving Timing for a conception is messed with when decisions such as, having sex before marriage, occur. This doesn’t need to mean our divine timing within how we perceive life and experience it, needs to follow the same path our parents chose to follow. We don’t need to hurry into creating something in ill-timed ways.

Wanting to be Seen

When exploring this wanting to be seen by another that has trouble seeing someone in a different way, I got a vision from a movie, I believe. It is one where you may be in high school, college, or sidewalk standing in amongst the flow of people. You are holding the books you have of the story of your life, and want to be seen but no one takes the time.

In these scenes, people of all ages, occupations, goals, dreams, values, worthiness levels, and life stories are flowing through them. They are just as they are. The one you want to see you, may walk by but can’t see you. Some moments they look at you but through you. Other moments they have their head down or are busy being busy within their life.

There may be moments where you are sitting next to them or close by and you know their brilliancy and may find yourself annoyed at it or within a competition of such. The truth is, something within you sees them and knows you want to be seen, but the timing doesn’t fit for what you desire. If you find yourself within this space, look for the brilliancy and know it; trust in the positive aspect you saw with them.

The timing of events and how they unfold for what’s a gift from above is something of a journey we often forget.

Some people are there to show us how to see the brilliancy within them, or nurture it within ourselves in ways we didn’t or couldn’t see before. The journey of wanting to be seen is one where something in us, is hidden but needs to heal or help us expand into a unique form of being; one that another may recognize as a fit for something they see as a fit for their life. When we do this we are working within the abundance journey the Lord sees for us, because it fits for the nurturing abundance that He knows within the magnified abundance of the world.

Forgiving Shame

Knowing and experiencing being around others and not being noticed, or talking and not being heard is one that is common in groups for those such as us. The feeling invisible or unheard is shame our inner baby self felt when others didn’t want our mother to be known as pregnant. The same can be true if the father has this shame cast upon him. The need of a community or family, needing to shun or shame someone that is carrying a child desperately wanting to live and grow and be loved, needs to be forgiven.

Why? Because those children don’t deserve to be invisible; don’t deserve to have their voices minimized. If you’ve ever lived this, something inside you has you fitting into a box but one that doesn’t fit whom you are meant to be.

It is the box of shame that can be shattered by you if you choose to forgive all moments and patterns driven by judgment or a need to hide or be small.

Seeing Patterns of what may have Become

The worries of these children repeating patterns may have built judgment through holding of breath and reactions within the home or other homes, such that every child at the precipice of entering puberty endures one of the worst demon attacks they can experience. For me, I woke in the night feeling like I was being strangled and covered in demons as they flowed out of a portal above my bed. I called out “get off me in the name of Jesus”, and while it took a bit to calm I felt safer each moment I felt them go away. The expectation within the fear of repeating generational patterns from parents and potentially within the energy of the gossip that happened during the mother’s pregnancy, built up the lower vibrational energy to let loose upon the child as their damnation warning.

The truth. Jesus didn’t tell me I was damned for being born in this way. He didn’t even explain why this happened, he just loved me through the healing that was needed, without asking me to forgive. He did however, months later tell me in a poem I wrote to not give up my life and allow him to love me like a Father. The depression that can become is not good for anyone, so if you are reading this and may have contributed to gossip, please take a moment to love yourself through a forgiveness for what was.

Events that may become may have the child in moments of needing a walls to protect themselves as they feel attacked or too exposed. The energetic walls of patterns to protect our inner being, to find ourselves putting ourselves into a space that felt comfortable and then didn’t, has us retreat with a wall to block out parts of us that we thought could be accepted. While other moments are the opposite where we just allow ourselves to be, and we are not seen because the box of shame unknown to us cloaks our very being in those moments.

The box of shame that I eventually found and shattered within me, was discovered after paying coaches to help me rise up into an small business venture not long ago. I needed to break free of something that had been pulling at me for far too many years. A business coach, worthy of knowing, knows that personal life from any age impacts business mindset. Mine did also. With doing this work, I had the insight in me to go deeper to figure out what was. I was trying to reach for abundance and know it, what I found was a box of shame built by others, creating unworthiness around my inner creative self.

The patterns of what this looks like essentially hides us in blankets of energy that hide our light. We can rise up, and can choose to live bigger, but something will feel like you boxed in, made to feel and act small. The truth is this. When you go within you may see bricks around this little child that you were, protecting you. If you did the work to not have brick walls stopping, you can be like me and find a clear box around your inner self making you feel limited in unknown ways.

Don’t hide whom you are. Don’t try to fit into anyone’s boxes. Everyone on Earth was born to be unique. Own it. Shatter those boxing within you and find the beauty of what you were meant to become. You can. I know this, because I did.

Mercy and truth have met together; righteousness and peace have kissed. Truth shall spring out of the earth, and righteousness shall look down from heaven. Yes, the Lord will give what is good; and our land will yield its increase. Righteousness will go before Him, and shall make His footsteps our pathway. Psalm 85:10-13

Walking the Walk

I don’t know what the journey for you may look like, because it is different for everyone. The Divine Timing of what becomes matters for you and others that fit your life, just as it did for me. For me, I met my husband in junior sort of. As in, I saw him across the gym floor at a junior high dance that I had begged my mom to let me go to. Something within me needed to be there, to have the freedom to experience this dance. It took a group of women to convince my mom to let me go, but I was allowed. He was from another town and there was just something about him. I could tell he was kind, and the draw was there but I couldn’t bring myself to walk across the floor. He didn’t either. He doesn’t even remember going, nor seeing me.

The next year we were at the same high school and when he was single, I wasn’t and vice versa. The message above about sitting by another and noticing their brilliancy, this was how I felt. I could see his confidence and drive, as well as his love for life. It was something that was just him. There was nothing fake about it. There was another dance, it was grad for that year, and he was there. I wanted to stay to the end but there was a curfew. My dad’s best friend told me to have fun and he’d handle my parents. I stayed until the end, and the last song started. This boy, walked to me and asked me to dance.

The next morning, I moved away and I found years later that my depth of crying I did in those moments was because my soul broke knowing I was moving away from a potential love. After graduation, before University I went back home to that small town. My childhood friend was having a party and my best friend wanted me to go. When we arrived this boy, I danced with two years prior was standing in the living room. He saw me walk in and came to talk to me. We talked through the entire party and he even walked me back to convince my mom to let me stay out longer; convincing her he would make sure I was safe.

Not long afterwards, I was asked to go to another family function and wanted a date for it. Not knowing how to do this, I found it in me, to call his family up and ask them to relay a message to him, so I could ask him to this family event. They didn’t know me. I didn’t know them. It was the act of love that felt like the scariest moment of being confident I had been through. Even applying for University was easier. He called me back, and said yes. When we both began University we started dating, and within two years years we were married.

When I broke the clear box of shame, I heard a message answer my plea. Jesus answered by sending a message through my wisdom center. It was a manifestation breakthrough, in which the message was “spiritual business”. This was one that shook me into a unworthiness spin and one that I am trying to walk the walk within.

Walking the walk to feel worthy and be seen by someone such as this journey, is one that looks different for everyone but trust in Divine Timing. Trust in the power of Love within you. Lean upon it. The way to wanting to be seen is to trust that those that are capable of seeing you, knowing you, and needing something within their life that fits your capable being, will see whom you are and know it fits. The journey you take to make this possible is through a healing adventure where you get to shatter masks within your life so you aren’t hiding whom you are.