Healing from a Miscarriage or Still Born

Sharing is caring!

The loss of a child of any age, whether in weeks, months, or years is gut wrenchingly painful to endure. It takes a strong mother and father to go through this and pick themselves up to keep going within their life. This I learned from my Great Grandmother whom I saw out living all but one child in her lifetime. Her story is not one I’m going to share, but I am going to attempt to help you know how to begin healing from a miscarriage or still born so you can find a path forward within grace.

Grace as a path for healing, is one where you get to explore events or experiences, whereby you didn’t realize what was realized and how it was realized within you.

The Parenting Journey

Becoming a parent for the first time, or after a few can be scary. There is the what if I fail? What if we can’t do this? But there is the moments of love felt within that show you you were trust enough to carry that child; trust enough to receive that hand or foot movement. The movement of feeling the back up against your belly, or the foot stretching just enough to let you know “I’m here”.

These moments are yours. These moments are you being the parent, no matter how long that was.

The butterfly movements are included in this also, please never minimize the role you played within that journey in any moment of time spent for you and your loved ones.

For me, my husband and I, along with two of my children, experienced the loss twice, both at 13 weeks during my pregnancy. The first, my oldest may not remember, but my friends whom were there at our home may remember that day. They, as young university students, gathered around my family and allowed my husband to drive me to the hospital.

It is moments as I write that I allow myself to feel those ground shaking emotions. I let go for years and found a way to forgive myself, but the gratitude I feel for those that stepped in to be there for us is overwhelming. The second, I felt the moment of what may be just after the 12th week. I prayed for a loss not to be, but it was too late and I knew the time was soon. By the 13th week, we were on the way to the hospital experiencing the roller coaster of emotions loss, such as this, brings.

The look on my husband’s face as drove to the hospital was different between both times. The first was pure fear of a loss but there was a knowingness that we could try again. We knew the loss was there, but had hopes of wanting to know more about this child we didn’t get to hold. The second he was stoic, trying to be strong, and I knew from the first experience that he need, I need him, to tell me how he was feeling. His fear was knowing I wanted to try for our third child, but he couldn’t loose another child again. The fear that he showed me in those moments was like facing a wall and not knowing if we should continue with the dream of having another child.

The Hospital Moments

During the first miscarriage, I was scared and deep down I thought about asking more questions, but didn’t. I trusted that the rush to do a procedure was necessary. The hospital told us after the procedure, that identifying any remains for a gender was impossible. Where I’m from, there isn’t a procedure that considers the journey of saying goodbye when the child is so young within the uterus.

The second miscarriage, was much the same as the first but a different hospital. The only difference was, for this one, the hospital told us of a park where there is a charity that plants a tree in remembrance of every death of a child, lost in such a way. The ride home was quiet. The moments after between us, gets scary to go through. Both of us in our own heads, trying to process a loss we can’t truly say goodbye to, like one would for another family member that has lived a life. It’s just empty space felt; one that becomes difficult to explain when there are other children with questions and mourning for them also.

The Wondering Moments of the Past

Not being able to say goodbye, or hold my child; my children is a loss in itself. This may have been even more lingering to my consciousness than wondering what happened. The doctor told me not to blame myself, because the child will often say goodbye if they feel they can’t continue.

The wonder of both children would hit me now and then, but the Lord shared with me recently that the next of kin of children born to us were the ones we lost in those moments. They were meant to be with us after all. I didn’t think to ask, or maybe was too afraid to do so, but living with the wonder in a burden for over 20 years and almost 29 years, happened. I can’t blame myself, because when I tried a moment ago, the Lord sent me His grace and compassion as he pleaded with me not to blame myself for what was.

Healing from a Miscarriage or Still Born

The message from my doctor all those years ago, helped me let go of guilt. The loss of not being able to say goodbye and finding out about the procedure and how the remains were disposed of is difficult for one to process. For those that may have experienced a miscarriage or a still born my heart breaks for you.

Saying goodbye whether you feel you can or not, takes the breath out of life.

As one that has experienced loss within miscarriages I know the loss and can somewhat imagine what may be for those whom experienced a still born. I want to say this…I don’t know the true feeling of walking into a home where there was a nursery ready for that child. I don’t know what it is like to carry an empty car seat to my car. I don’t have the experience you’ve had, but the burdens of what they are must be heavy. My heart breaks for you.

The journey to healing from such experiences is one I wish I could say could be resolved by stating a few sentences in healing intentions common for all, but it isn’t. The various aspects of journeying through a healing miscarriages or a still born birth is one where you can choose to heal for the experience but also one where you can choose to explore one of what could be a thousand different paths generated to develop such experiences within your life.

Each path depends upon the person, ancestors, and the people those people had experiences with. Blame isn’t the path to choose ever, please.

There is logic of what may cause miscarriages or still born births. The energetic burdens happen in life. Some of which may be generational from long ago; from ancestors that didn’t know how to forgive what they went through. Others are societal acceptances, in part, or judgment from such. The journey of exploration of what may be can begin by look at the list below.

The stats of what is potentially there, can be given, but every loss is a loss for that moment. The burdens to heal are what’s important so the loss doesn’t suck the life, out of a life your child wanted for you. Choosing to heal or walk a healing journey is one you may consider, honoring the child you lost.

Potential Energetic Letting Go’s

The surface healing of life, is to choose to let go, but not forgiving oneself or another. It is compartmentalizing the experience within a reasoning. The spirit within blocks the energy so the brain doesn’t remember and the emotions are cut. It is a survival instinct that generates generational energy, because when we do this we react to life from such energy without allowing ourselves to face what was, believing our letting go was the answer.

The depth of darkness that may occur drives more versions of experiences that create more habits and patterns. The solution is to look for a better way to let go. To look for a potential forgiveness where the letting go will help you not try and direct and control what life brings but to see life as less burdensome and filled with more life within it.

History has families for many generations holding onto energy that resulted from reactions to trauma and just letting go but not necessarily allowing a healing. The choices when doing so, result in actions that seek more love in life or run from it. The perception of how this is, is part of the journey also.

The potential energetic letting go’s may have resulted in (note there is a covenant that may help you through this):

• 4 in 9 miscarriages are a result from a burden of guilt due to seeking love through sexual exploration, either from generational energy or personal choices
• 3 in 5 children conceived outside the hand in marriage carry the burden of not being legitimized or feeling like they are a “mistake”, this leads to a potential miscarriage if the battle within becomes one where they feel they want children but hold unworthiness for how they came to be conceived
  • 9 out of 101 people born outside the hand in marriage had either adenomyosis or lowered sperm counts and have experienced at least one miscarriage due to the burden of such
• 9 out of 14 adenomyosis formed are or were stemming from the burdens of being conceived outside the hand in marriage and born as such also
• 5 out of 14 adenomyosis formed are stemming from the burdens of being conceived outside the hand in marriage, or born outside of such, but also have generational energy whereby the other is held within the woman
• endometriosis are or were a result of burdens held from being conceived outside the hand in marriage or hold generational energy from such, and another experience during the pregnancy in which a loss within a relationship bond happened during those months
• any energetic avoidance, or trying to compartmentalize into a “letting go” can create energetic walls or veils that create blockages within your energetic wellbeing. The flow of energy in what is healthy versus not so healthy, can generate challenges when to conceive and during pregnancy. These blockages are carried within the pregnancy from both the mother and father. The child receives the opportunity to break free of generation energy, just as we do being the parents.

The blessings of these energy moments is a passing down of ancestral knowledge, traits, traditions, characteristics, and ways of being. Not all is bad within those moments, you may be just didn’t feel you needed to forgive or face to see a higher perspective for a lesson that may be, your child would be able to show you down the road.

The burdens carried within a loss of what was, is large, but you have the strength within you to heal what you can, when you can. You didn’t know what was within you or what may have become during life from another, but if you seek quietness; allow the quiet to happen and trust yourself and your loved ones you will know the strength you need to take the steps towards healing.

In short

Allowing yourself to say goodbye in what ever way honor your child and yourself is the first step. For us, my mom, blessed us with angel Christmas ornaments made in Dominican. They still go on our tree every year and I think about those babies. She believed that every child became an angel looking down upon us. This may or may not be true but the blessing of honoring those parental moments of a pregnancy is something also. I didn’t think to remember the movements of those children, but I hold them in my heart even more now. Thank you, whom ever you are, for asking me to share this message of love. My heart is bigger because of this addition of love within my life.

The next step is for additional healing in a journey worthy of exploring whether you choose to continue trying for another, or not. The healing of energy such as what could be, is important for your wellbeing and those within your life. The energy centers and the healing potential for a flow of life that is beautiful when you don’t feel energetically stuck or unable to create in life is one worthy of exploring. How you choose to heal and process what you’ve been through; what your family has been through is yours to discover and one I hope you don’t minimize.

Healing from a miscarriage or still born is one that is a love journey for yourself, and for those you love within your life. Please don’t turn away for too long, as you are worthy of knowing the grace within this journey.