It Takes a Village to Raise a Child | Learning to Ask for Help

Busy parents do their best to make sure everybody gets to where they need to be on time. There are times though that life hands you a curve ball, and we need help from someone else. This is when it takes a village. Learning to ask for help can be hard, but this simple task helped my kids more than I thought possible.

Growing up in a small farm community, I was always told of days when farmers would help their neighbors get the crops off the field. They would come together and help each other out in times of need. People would look out for each other. They had each other’s backs and considered those people extended family.

I love helping people and so does my husband. We don’t have any trouble offering to help others when they need a helping hand.

We’ve been able to use carpooling to get to know our children’s friends better: their sense of humor, stories from their day, music preferences and more. I’ve learned a lot about our own children just listening to conversations they had in the car with their friends.

Helping others taught my children compassion and I didn’t think of this being a benefit for many years. People have always commented on how respectful and nice our children are, how they help others.

Learning to Ask for Help

Asking for help has never been something we like doing. Early on in our marriage, we asked for help, but as our family grew, we never wanted to put anyone out of their way. We prioritize everything so that we could do it ourselves as much as possible. Doing it this way had a big impact on our kids, in a negative way.

By not showing the kids how to ask for help, they grew up thinking that to being responsible meant learning to do it on your own. They didn’t learn to ask for help when they got over their head.

As a mom, it was frustrating when my kids would struggle with something and not come to us when they needed help. Why would they? They never saw us ask for help.

As the kids grew up we started looking at this more. We needed to help the kids realize that asking for help was a sign of strength. It shows maturity when you know when you are over your head in a situation.

To teach them, they needed to see us learn how to ask for help as well. We were more open to books we read to gain help in many areas. We would also ask friends or family for help when we needed it.

Seeing Progress

Asking for help is hard but sometimes necessary. I’m not sure why I love to help others, but don’t like asking for help myself. In hindsight, that has reflected on my own kids as well. They love to help others but don’t like asking for help, even from us.

We’ve worked hard over the last few years to teach them that asking for help is not a weakness, it is a sign of a mature and responsible person. They are now starting to ask for help themselves and we will frequently thank them for showing that maturity and growth. We make asking for help a positive experience.

As for me, learning to ask for help is still hard to do. I don’t have a problem looking for help from an author, but struggle to ask other busy parents for their time. This is one lesson that has not only helped my children, but it has helped me as well.

Not long ago both my husband and I had careers outside of the city. I was only commuting home on weekends and he drove in and out daily. We needed help from our village if our kids were going to stay in their activities. Thankfully our village helped us when we needed it.

This big moment in our lives was a huge relief as I worked out of town. I knew that our village of helpers would help get our children to their activities when we couldn’t. On the flip side, my husband would bring their children home from that activity at the end of the night, saving them another trip.

I’ve heard from those moms that helped us and they loved being to help us when we needed it. They’ve told me how they miss having our kids in the vehicle, they miss the stories and laughter that our kids would bring to the short drive.

Our village helps us in many ways, and I hope they know that we love helping them as well.

To those that helped us in the past or that are helping us now, if you are reading this, thank you. You all mean the world to us, and please know that your help has brought more to our family than just a car ride or a place to sleep for a few days.

We were able to teach our children that learning to ask for help was just as important as being compassionate to others. We are so happy to have you as part of our village. Much love to all of you!