How to Teach Kids Integrity

One of the greatest gifts a parent can give their child is teaching them about integrity. Integrity is the foundation of a very important life skill that leads to accountability and trustworthiness. Learning how to teach kids integrity not only helps your child, but it will bring you closer to your child as they grow.

Throughout our intentional parenting journey, we often coached our kids about having integrity. While coaching the kids we had to “walk the walk”, not just “talk the talk”.

Telling them not to lie to us wasn’t enough. Our actions and words had to show them how to have integrity. We had to intentionally parent in a way that made it easier for them to be honest with us, even when it was hard. Setting life goals helped us plan how to help the kids.

What is Integrity?

There are two definitions of integrity:

having the quality of being honest and having strong morals
state of being whole or undivided

In the engineering world, the second definition applies to structures. However, it can apply to our trustworthiness as well. When I look at someone that has integrity, I trust them. They are a solid structure I can count on in my life.

I know they will be honest with me, even when it is hard being honest at that moment.

As parents, we expect our kids to be honest with us. Many of us dread the lies and sneaking around that kids might do as they grow up. Hiding decisions or events from us so they don’t get into trouble.

This behavior leads to a lack of integrity in all areas of the child’s life if they aren’t coached about integrity. They become teenagers and start working. Their jobs expect a level of integrity so coworkers and managers can work as a team. To work as a team there has to be trust between the team members.

Small lies or even not admitting to making mistakes start to add up quickly. This disruption in how the team works together creates accountability issues and trust issues. The team then struggles in meeting their goals.

As parents, we want to raise responsible, trustworthy kids that know how to be accountable and will thrive in life. Learning how to teach kids integrity is just one of the gifts you can give your child.

Learning how to teach kids integrity requires parents to intentionally choose to parent in a way that:

allows their kids a safe place for being honest
being transparent with the kids when you make a mistake, showing them your integrity

Creating the Safe Place

This safe place is knowing no matter what, they can come to you to talk about anything. Our three kids were completely different personalities growing up. Our parenting style adjusted slightly for each one, so we could intentionally help them grow into great people.

We did, however, consistently remind our kids that coming to us with the truth was always better than us finding out afterward what the truth was. This didn’t mean that we didn’t punish them for whatever they did. We did, but we also lessened that punishment if they owned up to the mistake prior to us finding out. We considered that coming to us when it was hard, was part of the lesson at that moment.

Over time, they started to understand that no matter what, life was easier if they were honest about their actions always. The punishments were less, the trust we had in them and the trust they had in us was stronger. Our relationships with each of the kids are strong because of the integrity they have developed over the years.

Showing Them Your Integrity

This won’t be easy for you, but showing the kids that their parents aren’t perfect is great for using those moments as teaching opportunities for the kids. You will show them that you are honest about your mistakes and that you can apologize and take ownership of your actions.

This will have a huge impact on the kids because they can see they don’t have to perfect. They can learn and grow through integrity.

The Benefits of Teaching Kids Integrity

The benefits of teaching kids integrity are boundless. Over the years, we’ve learned more about ourselves through our intentional parenting journey. We’ve become better people while raising great people.

When your kids show integrity in their lives, they:

have stronger relationships with friends and family
show consistency in their personal characters
start to become natural leaders
teachers show them respect
coworkers and managers trust them and want them on their team
start to develop a growth mindset

This list of benefits is just the start, I’m sure you will see more as you learn how to teach kids integrity. The journey for you starts with intentional parenting, knowing when to start creating learning opportunities, and making a safe place for honesty.

Our kids always knew the consequences of their actions were going to match the seriousness of their actions. However, they also knew that if they were honest about them, and if they came to us early on we would have a much healthier discussion about it and the punishments would be less than if they didn’t show integrity. It wasn’t easy for them at times but it certainly made life more enjoyable if they showed integrity.

We even had the school’s support during a rough time with one of our children. When he would act out in school, his only punishment was having to call me. I once asked the principal what his punishment was going to be, her answer was having to call me and tell me what happened. She knew we would handle the problem later that day at home and appreciated the support we gave them as well. Integrity is the foundation of trust and accountability.