What is Intentional Parenting | Connecting with Our Children

Parenting can be hard, but also very rewarding. When the days are good, they are great! When they aren’t going so well, it is very hard to remember the good days. What is intentional parenting and how can it help us connect with our children?

We have three children, two of whom are adults now. I hadn’t heard of intentional parenting until recently and it struck me that this is exactly how we raised our own kids. Which makes sense considering we have been personally creating an intentional life now for years.

The process for creating an intentional life naturally flowed into our parenting style. How we disciplined each child. The discussions we had about the personal goals they had for themselves. Even planning summer camps for each child was done with an intention to their specific needs.

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What is Intentional Parenting?

Intentional Parenting is being mindful of:

how you want to raise your children,
what core beliefs you want to instill,
intentionally teaching life-skills they can use in the real world,
understanding that each child is unique (even if they have the same genetics),
finding ways to truly connect with your child,
creating a safe environment for them to trust.

Early on in our marriage, my husband and I made a pact to “parent on the same page”. We would talk about small and big decisions so we both created a solid front. We didn’t always agree but would find our way to a mutual decision that worked for each situation. This helped us create less confusion for the kids and set a solid foundation when navigating those parenting years.

When it came to our children, we found that each one was unique. The oldest and middle kids were completely different personalities when they were younger. Then our third was a combination of the two older ones.

What did that mean for us?

It meant that although our core beliefs wouldn’t change, we had to adjust our parenting style for each child. How we disciplined each child was slightly different even though the core beliefs didn’t waver. This was difficult at times and I personally had to find ways to stop yelling at the kids but still have them hear me. Each child would respond differently to each tactic used, so I picked the best one for each child and used it to get their attention at the time.

Changing the way I used the mom taxi time to connect with the kids helped create a really strong bond with each of them. Mark Gregston, the author of Tough Guys and Drama Queens – How Not to Get Blindsided by Your Child’s Teen Years, gives great advice on how to create mini-dates with each child. These mini-dates will help create a strong connection with your child and create a safe environment for them to trust during those confusing teen years. Starting this when they are young helps build an even stronger connection.

Life-skill Coaching

I use the term coaching over teaching because we frequently would coach the kids to work through a problem with us. Discussions as they got older revolved around what went well, what didn’t and how can they do it better next time.

I find as a manager, that many of my staff expect me to give them the answers instead of them thinking through the problem they are having. However, there are some things you can’t “google”. People need to be coached on how to think through a problem and find a possible solution.

When they were little and starting to navigate friendships we would coach them on true friendship. Then when they were in elementary school they would make their own school lunches. Asking them to help around the house was much more than just chores, it was about teaching them about compassion.

If you are looking for a list of life-skill coaching that you can intentionally instill in your child, Mark Gregston has a whole chapter in his Tough Guys and Drama Queens – How Not to Get Blindsided by Your Child’s Teen Years book.

Summer camps were not just planned to keep them busy while we still had to work during the summer months. We used this time to help find their passions. A list of summer camps that had sports or learning activities each child would possibly enjoy was used to book the weeks for the summer. I intentionally created a summer camp plan every year so I could budget and book the camps without missing out on the really fun camps.

The one summer camp that always got booked was a swim camp. Our busy schedules during the school year didn’t allow for swimming lessons so we planned a week of swim camp to get the lesson instead. It actually worked better this way, because the kids had a full week of lessons instead of one day a week for 2 months. They got enough practice in to actually pass the lesson during the camp, whereas during the school year they frequently didn’t get any extra practice time.

How Can Intentional Parenting Help Us?

When you are intentionally making parenting choices on how you coach your child and intentionally finding ways to truly connect with your child, life with that child becomes easier. You understand your child’s personality. If your child is struggling you can pick up on the signs easier.

Intentional parenting is proactive, instead of reactive.

Intentional parenting is not just about providing lessons “all of the time”. It is about creating quality time with each child so you can connect with them on a deeper level. It is about creating an environment they know they can rely on when life is confusing.

Being able to let your hair down and play a game with them. Getting dirty making mud pies in the summer. Having water fights in the kitchen while doing dishes. Spending hours trying to beat a video game together. Cranking up the music and singing even if you can’t carry a tune.

EVERY * MOMENT * MATTERS

Intentional parenting helped us raise some pretty amazing kids. Each of them gained a solid growth mindset and today they excel in their own way on their own journey. We truly are blessed to be their parents and have learned many lessons from them over the years.

Parenting perfection was the goal, but we learned through the years that showing them we make mistakes letting them see how we overcome those mistakes teaching them a valuable life skill. That’s the beauty of intentional parenting. Perfection isn’t required because you can use it as a learning opportunity on how to overcome mistakes.