How Perfectionism Feeds Anxiety | Mindset Matters

Sharing is caring!

Who here is a perfectionist? Who knows a perfectionist? We are everywhere and most of us are high-functioning-anxiety-filled-machines that may crash or implode at some point. It’s not healthy and definitely harmful to our own personal growth. My last article talked about how to handle uncertainty in life and how that links to anxiety. Today learn how perfectionism feeds anxiety and will give you some helpful hints for shifting that harmful mindset cycle.

I’ve known for a while that I tend to have some perfectionist traits. However, I wouldn’t consider myself a perfect perfectionist (does that exist? I don’t know…). At any point in time, you will see me with very little makeup, and I suck at grammar and spelling, so if you see it in this article, please forgive me.

When I started studying anxiety I realized that maybe I would have become a perfect perfectionist years ago if I had continued along my destructive path of feeding my anxiety. Thankfully I had shifted my mindset enough to help manage the anxiety. Today, I’m more aware than ever of my common perfectionist tendencies and I’m taking action to help my mental health even more.

Hopefully, this article will help you learn how perfectionism feeds anxiety and give you some insight as to how to shift your mindset to improve your own mental health.

How Perfectionism Feeds Anxiety

According to Jennifer Shannon, LMFT a misconception about perfectionism is that we have high standards and we don’t settle for the ordinary. We are always shooting for the stars.  However she further explains that we rarely feel that way, but in fact, it is just us trying to hit the bullseye of a target we’ve set and if we miss it even a little, this means utter failure. Her expertise has shown that perfectionism is a NEED to succeed in anything we attempt or we have failed, there is no in-between.

She’s explained perfectionism perfectly. Jennifer also goes on to explain that perfectionists are motivated by fear of failure, while others are motivated by the challenge they’ve set for themselves. There’s a BIG difference here.

So now that we understand perfectionism a little more, let’s dig into how perfectionism feeds anxiety and how we may be feeding that anxiety unknowingly.

Every perfectionist has the little quirks that they do to help manage their fear of failing at something. However, each time we use those quirks we confirm that there is something to fear to our brain, justifying the need to keep going.

Each time we repeat these actions we continue to confirm the fear, and then over time, the perfectionist tendencies will grow into other areas of your life. Ultimately spreading out like a bad weed and feeding your anxiety. The result is anxiety ruling your life and stopping you from creating a life you love because you won’t do anything if you think you’ll fail.

Do you relate to any of these?

You only relax after you finish what needs to be done.

The house MUST be clean to have guests over.

You never ‘waste’ time on things you are bad at doing.

You always think before you speak to avoid looking stupid.

Planning is a must to avoid failure.

Repeatedly checking your work for errors.

You avoid or delay things you hate doing.

You fill the gaps in conversation with jokes and comments.

Being punctual isn’t just a courtesy, it is a NEED – always.

How you present yourself must show perfection and precision to detail – outfit, makeup, accessories. 

You plan every moment even your days off, weekends and vacations.

You NEED to ask for advice before taking action on anything. 

You are constantly worrying about every possible mistake, no matter how big or small.

Each of these moments confirms to your brain that you have something to fear, ultimately feeding your anxiety. If you are anything like me my mind imploded with this news. I truly thought I was managing my anxiety until, I realized that it was the exact opposite, I was feeding it and making it worse.

Shifting the Mindset For Perfectionists

Learning mindfulness is the first step to this process and one that will help you along your work-life balance journey. If you don’t know how to start you can learn more about how practicing mindfulness changed my life by clicking on that link.

Practicing mindfulness is a huge step in shifting your mindset. How would this be?

You are looking within yourself and trying to understand why you are doing what you are doing.

When being aware of your actions and the connection to your anxiety you can start seeing how often you are feeding the anxiety.

The next step to managing the anxiety is not easy but imperative to ultimately managing your anxiety. You will need to expand your strategies to include failure.

Deep breath.

It will be okay. I know your heart just skipped a beat, and your nerves are on high alert, but this step is essential.

Start with something small, but do it. Take action with known failure. Be okay with failing at that one thing.

Maybe the goal should be getting good at failing so that we can be our authentic selves?

In Summary

Learning how perfectionism affects anxiety for you is the first step to shifting your mindset and learning to manage anxiety, worry, and fear. Here are the 5 steps you can practice as you learn to shift your mindset towards healthy habits:

1. Become mindful of the situations that you are insisting on perfectionism.
2. Accept that in those situations you feel the need to be a perfectionist.
3. Take note of the natural actions you take to calm the need for perfectionism. What do you have to do to stop the worry?
4. Notice the excuses you are using for continuing to act this way.
5. Find ways to expand the mindset to help practice failure, to help you get comfortable with the idea of failure.

Life isn’t perfect. Humans aren’t designed to be perfect. We are designed to make mistakes and learn from our mistakes. Ultimately it is in those moments that we grow the most and can truly be our authentic selves.

As a parent, I learned that showing my kids that I wasn’t perfect was the best way to teach them life lessons. Parenting perfection is over-rated and so is living my life thinking that I need to be perfect at something before I can achieve my goals. As life progressed and the kids grew up I realized that there were far more important things in life than perfection. As I slowly allowed myself to make mistakes, I opened up the possibility of being able to help others and actually align my passions with my goals. I created a life I love and know that you can too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Before You Go

WANT TO REMEMBER THIS? SAVE HOW PERFECTIONISM FEEDS ANXIETY TO YOUR FAVORITE PINTEREST BOARD!