Is Stress Killing the Libido? | Building Strong Marriages

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When life is chaotic and stressful, sex is the last thing on your mind. That busy mom brain has no desire for sex. Is stress killing the libido? How is it that when you are on vacation, the libido improves? Why does it take getting away from “all the things” to help find that connection with your spouse?

I’m fascinated by the science behind this topic, mostly because of my inner geek. Don’t worry though, I won’t get deep into the scientific reasons because I want to help you find healthy ways that will help you boost your libido. I want to help you build a strong relationship with your spouse or partner.

It’s the week of Valentine’s day and I could have been spending my time sharing ideas on Valentine’s day but honestly, I believe we should put more effort into our relationships all year round than make one day an event. Tammy from One-day wrote an article about how, even though she’s a romantic at heart, she hates Valentine’s day. It is spot on!

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Is Stress Killing the Libido?

Yes, it is. But you knew that already and your probably frustrated with yourself (adding even more stress to the situation).

I’ve been there … I am there.

Stress is a constant in my life and so is the lack of libido. But without getting into graphic details, I made an intentional decision to try to find ways to reduce my stress and increase my libido.

Here’s the simple version of the science behind why stress is killing your sex drive. Stress triggers an increased production of cortisol in our bodies which reduces the libido. Hormones.

So how do we reverse that with healthy habits? Interestingly enough, my research had many recommended solutions that are in the stress-busting hacks I wrote about last year. Let’s dig into that a bit deeper!

How to Reduce Stress and Increase the Libido

How do you normally feel when you are stressed? The muscles are tense, the brain is whirling with endless thoughts, and the emotions are running wild.

I’m here with you many, many times throughout the week!

The secret to reducing stress is finding a routine that helps you reduce the stress you are under. It is figuring out what type of stress you are going through and then finding a healthy way to combat that.

Types of stress?

Yes, there are different types of stress: emotional stress, physical stress, financial stress, relationship stress, and work stress. I’m sure there are more, but you get my point. Many times these types of stresses feed off of one another and can negatively affect our confidence (which definitely kills the libido).

Not every type of stress needs one simple solution. For example, work stress for me caused physical stress and emotional stress. The best solution for me is to go to my kickboxing gym and beat the sh*t out of a boxing bag.

I’m not a violent person (honestly) but being able to work out those frustrations in a workout like this was surprisingly therapeutic. As I started getting healthier, my energy increased and my confidence in myself improved along with my libido.

The busy mom brain is another stress that I chronically suffer from. I found ways to distract my brain from “all the things” and slow it down enough to enjoy the moment.

First, I had to say yes to some self-care. I had to give myself permission. It wasn’t easy but giving myself permission got easier when I told myself that it helps my marriage and it isn’t just about me.

Here are some of the stress-busting hacks:

1. reading a book – the simple act of whisking yourself away into another world helps take your mind off the stress. Kindle has many low-cost options for books, where authors are promoting a book series and you can benefit from a quick fun read to whisk you away for a little while.
2. exercise – this helps both physically (naturally decreases levels of cortisol) and emotionally (will improve self-confidence)
3. self-care – when taking the time to take care of yourself, you learn to value yourself more, boosting your self-confidence
4. breathing exercises – there is one that I use to slow the busy mom brain in the Give Yourself Permission reminder (I’ll send this to you for FREE – see down below).
5. games – let loose and have some fun! Take the time to be in that moment and enjoy life.

Life is busy and chaotic. It is stressful for many busy moms trying desperately to hold it all together. Then those moments come where your partner wants to be with you, they crave that intimacy, but you have no libido. Where do you start? Finding ways to reduce stress before you go to bed helps improve your libido. Then when you are in the moment you need to say “Yes” to that intimate moment and push the busy mom thoughts aside. Be more mindful of being with your spouse and make that moment just about the two of you.

It’s not easy at first. The mom guilt of taking time to decompress from your stressful day when there are lots of things left to do is sometimes overwhelming. In reality, “all those things” can wait. What if you were able to fast forward in life and see your life with your spouse?

Is the house being spotless more important than taking the time to connect with your spouse? 

Are “all of the things” that you didn’t get done on that to-do list today stressing you out and you are pushing your spouse away again?

Is there a wall going up slowly over time?

Or is there something that can be done to build a stronger marriage so that you can survive empty-nest syndrome?

This is it! Simply spending time taking care of you reduces that stress and increases your libido. Using those stress-busting hacks will help reduce your stress. Teach your brain to crave that time with your spouse. Make those moments count by saying “Yes” more often. Give yourself permission.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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